In the era of smart phones, Facebook, Twitter, social media, and other indirect forms of exchange, people have become desensitized to the human condition.
If you go to any location where friends, acquaintances, etc. are gathered, instead of witnessing a scene where people are interacting face-to-face, you’ll notice one or more are on their cell phones – texting, updating a status, or checking to see what the rest of the world is doing – instead of valuing this opportunity they have with each other.
We don’t communicate with each other any longer. Last week, I had a friend leave me a long text message because she assumed I was upset with her because I did not answer any of her phones calls. Prior to that, I did have a short conversation with her and let her know that I was not upset with her at all, especially since I had no reason to be upset. Well, long story short, she thought I was mad at her for no reason and said she was a good person and thought I was a good person, etc., basically friend-breaking up with me. When I realized that she took it a little too far, I had to drop everything to let her know that no, I was not upset with her, I was just busy and did not have time to respond to every phone call and every text message that I received. She understood, we had a nice conversation, and that was the end of that.
In this particular instance, we were both wrong. I was wrong to assume that she understood the dynamics of my life and that, at times, I’m often too busy to stop and give my time to others. I presumed those things and expected her to know that if you don’t hear from me for days or weeks at a time, it’s not because I don’t care for you any longer, but because I’m too wrapped up in the tasks of my life to give notice to others. And she was wrong to presuppose that I was upset with her even though I told her I was not.
This situation made me think that this happens too often. Because people are so used to being non-confrontational and dealing with each other in texts or status updates, that even when they are angry or upset, they don’t express that. Instead, they’ll throw an “I’m fine” out there and keep it moving, all the while, this anger is festering inside and it’s exacerbated when they say this person doesn’t care. How are they supposed to know you’re upset if you say you’re fine? I still haven’t grasped the logic in that.
That led me to think, we often get to the point when we decide we no longer want to deal with a person so we ignore them with the understanding that “they should get the hint.” WRONG. They should not get the hint. If you no longer wish to talk to someone or maintain a relationship with someone, let that person know. Your assumptions that these things are enough are wrong. It’s not enough. All the while, you’re being passive-aggressive and posting status updates on how that person should “get the hint” and understand that you no longer want to deal with him or her. Or you just unfriend that person on whatever social media site you share.
These things bother me because I consider myself a very communicative person, even though at times, I’ve felt that I just wanted to wash my hands clean of situations and people and wanted to leave things where they stood. So, no, I’m not perfect, I’m guilty of the very things I wrote about. I too have posted status updates about people instead of voicing it to that person. But know that if I have an issue with you, you know it. If I am mad at you, I’ll tell you and tell you why I’m upset. I’m too old to beat around the bush or play games. At the end of the day, we’re all people struggling to figure out this thing called life. We all have our own stories, our own battles, and our own triumphs. And all these things make us the people we are. We hurt ourselves and each other when we assume. Though it may take more effort, try loving each other and understanding the other person. Let’s not be insensitive to the human condition. ♥
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