Purgatory

I’m stuck…

In purgatory. 

In limbo between heaven and hell. 

The good memories of you, I hold on to. 

They overshadow the evil that you’ve done. 

But somewhere deep in the depths of my soul, I still think you’re the one. 

Everything about you was perfect…a little too good to be true. 

It caused me to look past your flaws or shortcomings. 

Pictures of us replay over and over again in my head, yet as time goes on, they start to fade into the wind. 

Soon enough, you’ll just be a thought. 

A distant memory, if you will. 

But until then, I’ll be stuck in purgatory…

In limbo between heaven and hell.

Black Hole

She felt a perpetual sadness. 

The kind that constantly eats up at the emptiness inside of her.

She wandered each day, going through the motions, but the life in her no longer existed.

The joy of the morning was her greatest pain, translating to another day she was forced to endure and conjure ways to cope with her bleak existence.

Life hasn’t been kind. 

And her personal hell pushed her deeper and deeper into darkness.

She remembers her happiness. But happiness doesn’t live here.

Exposed

In my conquest to find myself, I found you.

And like a thief in the night, you've stolen my heart.

I yearn to feel the warmth of your body against mine.

Just one more time.
And to feel your soft, moist kiss on my forehead.

I close my eyes and once again I'm there.

The air from your breath warms my body

And the vibrations of your voice reverberates in my ear

As you whisper sweet nothings that grab hold of my soul.

I've gone outside the wire of my heart and I let you in.

Here I stand defenseless waiting for you to rescue me.

And like the wind whistles past me and chills my skin,
You're gone.

Never Really Was...

You never were really mine.
You pulled the wool right over my eyes.
You were a thought, a facade in my mind.
You created this lie and took it away.
You captured my heart, but could not stay.
You spoke sweet nothings to me time after time.
But now I'm faced with the reality that you can never be mine.
You occupied my mind day after day.
You were the focus every time I prayed.
You were my prince charming - too good to be true.
You were the one I wanted to give my heart to.
When I'd hear your name, a smile would stretch across my face.
By your side was my rightful place.
But it's all over, you told me the truth.
That I could never really be with you.
Thanks for the thrill and leading me on.
I guess back at square one is where I belong.

That Man

There's a man I see who encompasses all that a man should be.
His intelligence, suave and well-spoken being sends me on a quest.
His alluring presence leaves me breathless.
The flash of his smile compels my heart into an inexorable race.
The contrast of his jet black hair on his creamy, brown skin coupled with
The deep, slow, smooth vibrations of his voice
As each word rolls off his tongue ushers me into a trance.
I'm ready to be lost in the beautiful abyss that is him,
But I'm hindered by circumstance.
I'm lured into an enthralling surreality as I catch a glimpse of Heaven when I'm in his presence.
My essence is relentlessly lost as he has invaded my thoughts and inhabited my mind.
I have to retreat from this reverie and that's how it shall remain.
I can never confess how smitten I am because your heart belongs to someone else.

In a Moment

For a brief moment, I knew how it felt to fly.

Outside of the anger, hurt, joy, and the collection of emotions I experienced, my heart floating is the one I remember most.

In that moment, I rediscovered feelings I haven’t felt in years. I can’t let go of that moment.

I close my eyes and you’re there. I feel the warmth of your skin nestled in mine…your moist kiss along my skin and your sheltered embrace.

At an instant, tears well up in my eyes.

I cannot deny this feeling any longer.

I miss you.

There have been long days and restless nights since I was last in your arms.

I want you here.

I crave your presence.

I Miss You

When I woke up today, I missed you.

But yesterday I forgot you.

I forgot your idiosyncrasies that made me roll me eyes or want to punch you in your throat.

I forgot how my heart skipped a beat and swelled when you gazed at me with deep admiration.

I forgot how the vibrations from your deep voice tickled my ears when you spoke into them.

I forgot how you'd force me to hold your hand and how you slowly tore down my walls. The walls I built around my heart, myself, my life.

I forgot the uninhibited laughter that bellowed from my belly when you picked me up and tossed me around like a rag doll.

I forgot how your masculinity made me feel safe and secure.

I forgot your words. How I held on to every word...every promise.

I forgot how comfortable I felt to be in your arms.

I forgot how much my cheeks hurt from the permanent smile on my face.

I forgot how I never wanted to let go.

But this morning, I remembered.

And today, I miss you.